Category Archives: humor

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It’s Morgan Freeman’s world; we just live in it

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Nothing says seventh grade like . . .

From friend Ed this morning. Khpbmezsb0zfi4ks4bhw
How about these?

Jackie Battley’s ex-husband, and Marianne Ginther’s former lover and ex-husband, Callista Bisek’s former lover and current husband for President! Go Newt!

Regina Peruggi’s ex-husband, and Donna Hanover’s former lover and ex-husband, Judith Nathan’s former lover and current husband for President! Go 9/11 Rudy!

Wheee, this is fun!

Even worse, this must have made sense to someone

Blogfriend IzaakMac at I Want Ice Water! made me chuckle this morning (regular funnies over there).

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I do. All the time. It’s like a voice in my head.

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Plus I yell at the TeeVee. I’ll bet you do too.

Another duck goes down. Murder or mischief?

Who could possibly harbor hostility toward this cheerful creature?

Well, in May, in Hong Kong, someone did. This was not an accident! And now it’s happened again. This time in Taiwan, where that adorable creature was taken down in just eight days!

There’s a sinister pattern at work here, but now authorities searching for the killer may have solved the case:

Murder most fowl? According to Taiwan media reports, one tourist claims she saw what looked like an eagle scratch the rubber duck with its talons.

If that’s indeed the case, jealousy could very well have been the motivation behind this unprovoked attack.

duckPerhaps this time, the Taiwan duck was too cute to bear. Here he is on the happy launch day). And then as the tragedy unfolds before the eyes of horrified spectators.

I think this is funny. I do. Really.

Of course he poops Peppermints!

So I peek out from my hiding place

and what do I see? Oh, the humanity . . .

xmas oh the humanity

The Thanksgiving classic

There are no others.

Oh please, don’t wake me up . . .

Bet you didn’t know this. Neither did I, but it’s right there on Glenn Beck’s own site, The Blaze, the place for dystopian paranoia and apocalyptic terror – plus there are many wonderful things available for purchase!

Glenn Beck on Monday began what he said is “just the beginning” of his work to reveal the background and motivations of Grover Norquist, the founder and president of Americans for Tax Reform.

Beck began by playing recent clips of Norquist calling out Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) for his efforts to derail Obamacare, noting that while he used to joke about the left’s portrayal of Norquist as a “big power player,” he’s since revised his dismissive opinion in light of the warnings that you “don’t ever take this guy on unless you’re prepared.”

Beck’s show Monday primarily concentrated on Norquist’s alleged connections to Islamists. He invited Frank Gaffney, the president of the Center for Security Policy, and Daniel Greenfield of the David Horowitz Freedom Center, to weigh in.

There’s a David Horowitz Freedom Center? Seriously?

Things you miss when you don’t watch CSPAN: Oh my.

For Facebook/Star Trek fans: Who was the speaker at the National Press Club lunch this month just broadcast on CSPAN2? Why, George Takei was the speaker.

george takeiGeorge_Takei_Sulu_Star_TrekHe is surprised to find himself a celebrity again – at age 70 –  a Facebook phenom with millions of followers. As a follower myself, I was interested to learn that when he first turned to Facebook, it was with a mission in mind –  to educate younger generations about the WWII Japanese internment in the US. Takei grew up in a camp.

Hey, he thought, maybe use some humor to get a few people to his page. Maybe that would drive some traffic. And maybe he could toss in some advocacy for gay rights? That could help a little. Maybe.

4.9 million Facebook followers says he was right. Oh my.

Two things – entirely unconnected

Part the firstest: f*ck iGoogle. (Can anyone recommend another homepage I can customize? I’m on Firefox.)

Part the secondary:

Oh Michele we will miss you . . .

Before she leaves us for good, Rep. Michele Bachman (R-Outerspace) is doing her best for late night comics everywhere. Here’s she’s commenting on recent US foreign policy in the Middle East. Or something. And it means that End Times are near.

SPOILER ALERT! Best line ever ever ever:  “Yes it gives us fear in some respects because we want the retirement that our parents enjoyed.”

“This happened and as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists, now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s end times history,” Bachmann told Jan Markell, radio host of “Understanding the Times,” on Saturday.

“Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand,” Bachmann added later. “And so when we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this; that these days would be as the days of Noah. We are seeing that in our time. Yes it gives us fear in some respects because we want the retirement that our parents enjoyed. Well they will, if they know Jesus Christ.”

As long as they keep it off the front page, this should be fine, yes?

. . . the exclusive gyms available only to members of Congress have remained open throughout the shutdown. . . the House member’s gym is open. The House gym features a swimming pool, basketball courts, paddleball courts, a sauna, a steam room and flat screen TVs.  . . . cleaning and maintenance has been performed daily throughout the shutdown. . . . the decision to keep the gym open came directly from Speaker Boehner’s office. Meanwhile, the staff gym available to Congressional staff has been closed. It also appears that the members gym in the Senate remains open on similar terms.

Notice that the staff gym is closed. Charming.

(If you need a giggle, google ‘Congressional gyms” as I just did and check out whose image dominates. If you guessed Paul Ryan, you would be wrong. It’s all selfies of tht body-proud camera hog and failed politician, Anthony Weiner. I guess he’ll live in image infamy, mostly without clothes.)

Want more Mark Twain?

(You’ll find dozens more here. The man did talk a lot.)

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class…save Congress.                 

Reader, suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself.

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be–a Christian.

I don’t like to commit myself regarding heaven and hell. You see, I have friends in both places.

We have the best government that money can buy.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

And let’s give Aesop some credit for inspiration:

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.           

 

Groucho, now a member of the Tea Party Caucus

Thanks to blogfriend Frank of A Frank Angle who just dropped this bit of deliciousness into a comment thread:

Sometimes the answer is so easy . . .

(UPDATED BELOW) Cousin Den made me laugh . . . again.

UPDATE: . . . and again . . . (from Eugene Robinson):

“Republicans in Congress are like a dog that chases cars and finally catches one. There is a fleeting sense of accomplishment, followed by sheer panic.”

So much for polls

Offered without comment:

George Takei gets all the good stuff

Like this:

shatner

When John McCain is good, he is very, very . . .

Now that the couch at Fox & Friends is getting a new lady to sit in the middle, it’s time for me to stop referring to Brian Kilmeade as the one whose name no one knows. After all, he is now the second most recognizable face of the couch dwellers. Watch that very face as John McCain ‘splains a little something:

We seem to be birthin’ an entirely new species! Witness the two year olds . . .

First the basketball kid:

Now the dancer:

 

Ahhhh . . . a new funny

In case Donald Trump!, Trump!, Trump! backs out, there will at least be this:

Former U.S. Sen. Scott Brown told the Herald he is looking at a possible 2016 presidential bid today as he hit a well-worn stomping ground for Oval Office hopefuls – the Iowa State Fair.“I want to get an indication of whether there’s even an interest, in Massachusetts and throughout the country, if there’s room for a bi-partisan problem solver,” said Brown, who has been meeting with top Republicans nationally and last week hosted a Fenway event for Republican National Committee members. Brown indicated he isn’t close to deciding whether he will run. “It’s 2013, I think it’s premature, but I am curious. There’s a lot of good name recognition in the Dakotas and here – that’s pretty good.”

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Honestly, how did he get elected in the first place?

mindless (adj.): having no intelligent purpose, meaning, or direction

(thanks to friend Ed for this)

The NBA draft is in full swing . . . do they know about this kid?

His name is Titus. He is two years old. And this is real. (He showed up on Fox & Friends and it was going great ’till Brian Kilmeade (the one whose name no one can remember) tried to get in the act and basically lobbed the ball into little Titus’ face. Show over. The little guy burst into loud tears and Dad carried him off the set trying to make things right by saying “Brian didn’t mean it”. What he should have said was “Brian is just a doofus.”

I’d say she got the ‘modestly dressed’ part just pitch-perfect

Who wouldn’t want to rush home to this little lady? Anyone? Anyone? Come on guys, look at that resume! Jeeez.

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Another picture I like

Although I do think Ginsberg would look better is a very soft grey. (Hat tip cousin Jeff.)
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It was hot today, but it’s cooling a bit now

Brings this to mind.

Drones and pizza – what could be more natural?

This, apparently, is not a parody.

Domino’s ‘DomiCopter’ drone can deliver two large pepperonis

On a lunch break last month, a small custom-built octacopter made a 10-minute flight through the city of Guildford, outside of London. Its special cargo: two large pepperoni pizzas.

The delivery was masterminded by a T + Biscuits, an English creative agency that was hired by Domino’s to test prototypes.

“We’re looking at making flying pizzas a possibility,” Tom Hatton, Master Brewer and founder of T + Biscuits, told NBC News.

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Oh dear, it’s been a busy day.

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Lifted – in its entirety – from Krugman’s blog

Transport Madness

Oh, boy — this is truly amazing. I guess I’m not surprised that the WSJ doesn’t like the idea of providing New York with a European-style system of rental bikes. But accusing Bloomberg and company of being “totalitarians” for the vicious crime of … making bright blue bikes available to tourists … seems like it has to be parody.

On the other hand, let’s not forget George Will’s explanation of why liberals like mass transit:

the real reason for progressives’ passion for trains is their goal of diminishing Americans’ individualism in order to make them more amenable to collectivism.

Something about transportation seems to bring out the crazy in these people.

(The post, comments and all, is here.)