Fun fact: Texas legislators regulate dildos

Oh the deliciousness. According to the March 2014 Harper’s Index*:

Maximum number of dildos a Texan may legally own : 5

I guess it isn’t surprising that the Texas Legislature took the time to examine such an urgent issue. The late Molly Ivins . . .

. . . called the Texas Legislature the best free entertainment in Austin. “Naturally, when it comes to voting, we in Texas are accustomed to discerning that fine hair’s-breadth worth of difference that makes one hopeless dipstick slightly less awful than the other. But it does raise the question: Why bother?” she wrote in a 2002 column.

* No linkee – it’s behind a pay wall.

19 responses to “Fun fact: Texas legislators regulate dildos

  1. Well I’m glad the Texas legislature settled THAT essential issue – now I can tell my friends I’m below the legal limit . . . for the time being. Doncha just love it when the government decides to join us in the bedroom?!?!?


    • I do beleive ArVee, that the Constitution says government is required to monitor bedroom behavior and punish anything inappropriate. I think Rick Santorum told me that!


  2. Moe, allow me to assist.

    From the Texas Statutes: (


    Sec. 43.21. DEFINITIONS. (a) In this subchapter:

    (7) “Obscene device” means a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.

    Sec. 43.23. OBSCENITY. (a) A person commits an offense if, knowing its content and character, he wholesale promotes or possesses with intent to wholesale promote any obscene material or obscene device.

    (f) A person who possesses six or more obscene devices or identical or similar obscene articles is presumed to possess them with intent to promote the same.

    I couldn’t find any statute that defined how many dildos are allowed to serve in the Texas Legislature. Starting with the goobernator on down, there seems to be no limit.

    Glad to assist.


    • Hey JR – nice to see you! And thanks for the assistance . . .. always appreciate a little reinforcement.

      As for in the Legislature – I believe there’s no limit so long as they’re ‘made in the USA”.


  3. I hope this law is gender neutral.


  4. Presumably five or fewer dildos could be for personal use only.


  5. Damn, when the hell is all this nonsense with the bible thumpers and right wing morons going to end?


    • At the moment of the “Rapture’ Don – to avoid any misunderstanding in this particular thread, I refer to the ‘Rapture’ where the godly rise through the air to heaven. Happily leaving all their secret sex toys behind for the heathens.


  6. The only part of this that is even remotely current is limitation upon the number of sex toys that may be owned. Such devices were actually totally outlawed in TX in 1973 and, I believe restricted private ownership was allowed in 2008, while sales thereof was still a crime, specifically a sexual offense.

    This is actually a somewhat interesting legal case since Federal appellate court decisions between the 5th and 11th circuits on this sort of law are in conflict and the SCOTUS has not been asked for a writ of certiorari to clarify it and resolve the conflict .


  7. Just when I think nothing can surprise me anymore……………A law on how many dildo’s you can own. Some people really do need to get a life, wow! 😦


  8. I couldn’t find any statute that defined how many dildos are allowed to serve in the Texas Legislature. Starting with the goobernator on down, there seems to be no limit.

    Nicely put, J.R. You speak for me as well.


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