The best medical disclaimer evah!

Send the children from the room before you read this!

I notice that the pharmaceutical industry has invented itself a new medical condition called ‘low T’ for which they – remarkably – have cures at hand. And for sale.

Something else they have is sublime confidence – confidence that their target customer will not be deterred. Confidence that even this disclaimer (for Axiron, a topical testosterone) won’t stop the rush to the pharmacy:

Signs of puberty that are not expected (for example, pubic hair) have happened in young children who were accidentally exposed to testosterone through skin to skin contact with men using topical testosterone products like AXIRON. Women and children should avoid contact with the unwashed or unclothed area where AXIRON has been applied. If a woman or child makes contact with the application area, the contact area on the woman or child should be washed well with soap and water right away.

Stop using AXIRON and call your healthcare provider right away if you see any signs and symptoms in a child or a woman that may have occurred through accidental exposure to AXIRON. Signs and symptoms in children may include enlarged penis or clitoris; early development of pubic hair; increased erections or sex drive; aggressive behavior. Signs and symptoms in women may include changes in body hair and a large increase in acne.

Women who are pregnant or who may become pregnant should avoid contact with the area of skin where AXIRON has been applied.

Other risks:

  • Possible increased risk of prostate cancer.
  •  In large doses AXIRON may lower your sperm count.
  • Swelling of your ankles, feet, or body.
  • Enlarged or painful breasts.
  • Problems breathing while you sleep (sleep apnea).
  • Blood clots in the legs. This can include pain, swelling or redness of your legs.

The most common adverse events include: headache, diarrhea, vomiting, and increase in blood level of Prostate Specific Antigen. Other side effects include more erections than are normal for you or erections that last a long time.

And the most amazing of all the side effect warnings is this one:

AXIRON is flammable until dry. Let AXIRON dry before smoking or going near an open flame.

How can this even be legal?

14 responses to “The best medical disclaimer evah!

  1. Shepard Sherbell

    High E Moe.


  2. More erections than normal and erections lasting longer than usual sounds like a real winner, but if you can’t stop pooping and barfing – well, who cares?

    Spontaneous combustion might be looked at as a turn-off by some. I’m just sayin’.

    Good post Moe. You are a bloggy treasure.


  3. Sure to be a big seller. What a find!


  4. After you see a drug commerical with fuzzy people smiling and dancing around you get the last 30 seconds of a list like you point to on what can go wrong…..

    WTF would you want take the stuff?

    Go Moe!


  5. By and large, it’s best to ignore all those warnings – for almost any drug – that you see on TV. They’re there for the purposes of legal protection, not for your protection as most side-effects – again, for almost any drug – are very rare, normally milder than the disclaimers make them sound, and are temporary.

    That being said, incautious use of any hormonal therapy is pretty damn stupid and you can’t always trust your doctor to be cautious for you.


  6. [more erections than are normal for you or erections that last a long time]

    Huzzah! . . . All else is inconsequence.


  7. Huh. Those TV commercials always show the happy middle-aged guy who has more zest for life thanks to the medication. They never show him with hairy, pimply women or aggressive children! I think the commercials would be more entertaining if they did.


  8. He, he, he…..

    That’s Funny Ahab!

    Don’t hold your breath……


  9. Sounds like it could put a lot of heat in your love life with that last warning.


  10. Pet Peeve: A particular viagra ad shows a middle aged guy whose care over heats. He use bottled water to fill the radiator.

    The tag line is something like for men in the age of knowing how to get things done.

    Expensive bottled water in a radiator seems like an expensive stupid fix to me, so as a middle aged man: I’m insulted.


  11. Where are the ladies here?


  12. I am always amazed at how good both the men and women look in the E.D. commercials A more amusing and realistic scene would be a paunchy 50 something man needing the medication to make it with the much younger woman he is cheating on his wife with .


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